You have a great opening where we are thrust into the life of a woman whom we aren’t sure is just agoraphobic, a hermit or is hiding from someone. We follow her routine in hopes that eventually the answer will be revealed. The description is done so well that it seems you are in the space with her and experiencing everything she’s doing. It goes straight to the action when she leaves her apartment and is being chased.
There’s a good hook, created by the videos she has access to from various places in the world. Immediately we’re questioning what those scanners are? Why they are being used and why are those particular people flashing red? What does the red mean, how does Mag’s relate to the images she’s seeing and in fact how does she have access to it? All these questions generated gives you the writer, enough room to answer these questions over the course of the series and keep reeling the audience along.
A Cacophony of Posts by David Garrett
Blerbs on my screenplays, fiction, how-to's, and children's books.